KPLA's Chris Kellogg and Monica Senecal, weekday mornings, 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM.
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On Tomorrow's Show
Thursday morning, we'll continue our Columbia Celebrity edition of the KPLA 5 Question Quiz with a cash jackpot of $260. Join the fun and play at 8:15.
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Peeps Show
To see some of the finalists of the Peep competiton. Click here to see the slideshow of the finalies.
What is your brain sex?
Thanks to Marty for finding a fun time-wasting link to help us figure this out. Click here to start the test.
Make St. Patrick's Day Official!
Help get Proposition 317 introduced.Sign the petition here!
Health Department's "5th Guy" Campaign Public Service Announcements.
Check out these videos.Click here to watch!
The Olden Days!
This came from Keith as a followup to the Good Housewife. Click here to read this latest absurd, antiquated article.
"LOST" Missing Pieces
Check out these missing puzzle pieces from the show LOST, and e-mail Monica with your predictions/thoughts.
Celebrity Prima Donnas
Contract riders of the famous can be absurd. Click here to find out what your favorite star's demands are.
Starbucks
Find out what your personality type is based on your Starbucks order with the Starbucks Oracle. Monica is a fat-free, sugar-free vanilla latte. Chris is a Venti Mocha (yes, fully loaded).
Games
Here's a fun game site for you to do at work when the boss isn't looking. Click Here.
Looking for another fun time-waster at work? Try putting together jigsaw puzzles. It's fun and challenging and makes the workday go by faster.
Burning Calories
How many calories do you burn while walking? This calculator will help you figure it out. Click here.
Summer fun
Here are some fun ideas for kids to do in the summer (because nobody likes lazy kids). Click here.
Fun Quizzes
Here's a link to fun quiz to see how well you have observed things in life. Click here to play.
Another fun time waster. Take this 3rd grade geography test and see if you get to move on to the 4th grade.
Gas Prices
Looking for a site to compare gas prices in different parts of the country. Just type in the zip code. Visit Gas Buddy here.
The Name Game
This one will consume an entire workday. You can get the history of virtually every name by visiting Behind The Name.
Are you stressed?
See how working in a stressful environment will age you. Click here.
Fun Facts
Does chewing gum really take 7 years to digest? Find out. Click here for scientific Myth Busters.
Listener Links
Thanks to Donna for this web site: Get Human. This site gives you tips for zipping through all of those automated messages you get from large corporations when you call for help.
Tap out the song with your spacebar and let "Song Tapper" tell you what song it is. Click here to waste time.
Listen to amateur karaoke artists who have submitted their songs to this web site. Some of these are annoyingly fun. And some of them are down right annoying. Visit Sing Shot.
Where's George? Track your paper money! See where it's been and where it's going. Click here.
See how much your home and your neighbor's homes are worth. Click here.
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AREN'T YOU SICK OF ALL THOSE HIGH PAID TEACHERS?
Teacher's hefty salaries are driving up taxes and they work nine or ten months a year. It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do....babysit! We can get that for less than minimum wages.
I would give the $3.00 dollars an hour and only for the hours they worked, not any of that silly planning time. That would $19.50 a day (7:45 a.m. to 4:00 pm with 45 mintues off for lunch).
Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for those teachers to "baby-sit" the kids. Now, how many kids do the "baby-sit" in a day...maybe 30? So, that's 19.50 X 30 kids = $585.00 a day. However, remember they only work 180 days a year. I'm not going to pay for any vacations. Let's see...that's $585 X 180 = $105,300 per year. (Hold on! My calculator must need batteries).
What about those special teachers and the ones with master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair, round it off to $7.00 an hour. That would be $7 times 6 1/2 hours times 30 children times 180 days = $245,700 per year. Wait a minute, there is something wrong.
By the way, applying this formula to what teachers really make, on average is about $1.42 per hour per student. Put a smile on a teacher's face today and let them know you appreciae them!
(This is the poem that Monica shared with the finalists and families at the KPLA Apples for Teachers Banquets. The author is unknown.)
PARTNERS:
I dreamed I stood in a studio
And watched two sculptors there.
The clay they used was a child's mind
And they fashioned it with care.
One was a teacher; the tools used
Were books and music and art
One, a parent with guiding hands,
A gentle and loving heart.
Day after day the teacher toiled,
With a touch both deft and skilled.
The parent labored side by side
And all the values filled.
And when at last their task was done
They looked at what they'd wrought
The beautiful shape of the precious child
Could neither be sold nor bought.
And each agreed it would have failed
If one had worked alone.
For behind the parent stood the school,
And behind the teacher, the home.
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
(Thanks to listener Nancy Tiller for this fun forward)
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids
each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and
pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each
week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist
appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a
holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also
make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.
Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid
song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on
cartoons.
Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a
tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish
shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try
to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings
but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try
to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy
finds it in the purse.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least
once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling
asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their
hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on
their face or clothes.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will
be required to know all of the following information: each child's
birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and
doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth,
and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite
snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy,
biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. And then spend
the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand
and foot until they are better.
They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss
of me".
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man
wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.
After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think
will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.
